Floating Boats

April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I've been reading a Feminist Blog that posted each day a different set of thoughts about some of the issues regarding sexual assault in this troubled culture where a wholehearted "yes" is not often said in sexual encounters--nor looked for.

This morning I came across two articles: Rescuing girls from sex slavery and a facebook post from Nicholas Kristof about  The Somaly Mam Foundation. Both focus on the sex trade in southeast Asia, and it's easy enough to feel a moment of sorrow or outrage for these women ... far far away from our place and our common experiences ... and then move on. A bit later in the afternoon I was waiting at a stop light and noticed a young woman heading into one of Butte's many bars. She was young, attractive, dressed nicely, unlike the atmosphere of the bar itself, and she was clearly going in to work the bar ... bartending, waitressing, serving the (mostly) men who come to drink. The 'take home' messages of the blog and the two articles leaped back into my mind.

The topic of sex is a complex one. I know my personal preferences, which are constantly shaped and reshaped by culture, nature, upbringing, personal experiences, experiences of others, contemplation, and other influences I am likely unaware of entirely.

For some, sex is a sacred obligation between a couple ... for others it's just like any other sport activity - you don't become intimately involved with your handball partner, so why become intimate with your handjob partner ... for others sex is just another form of masturbation that happens to include another person instead of a vibrator or a bottle of moisturizer ... for some its a desperate cry for connection ... for others its a form of payback for past hurts. You just never know what your partner(s) are bringing to the table ... the bed ... the living room floor ... the back of the pickup truck.

For me, sex is a deeply intimate form of communication ... communion ... the sharing of a common experience. I respect that this is the preference that I have developed and chosen over the years - and I respect that others have developed other preferences that are very different from my own. "Whatever floats your boat" you might say - but I wouldn't - because that focuses on the act of sex being defined in terms of male arousal - and so, male pleasure.

And therein lies the problem: it's all defined in terms of male arousal and male pleasure. Women are--still--seen as a commodity in most of the world. Women take care of things ... children, filing, housework, travel arrangements, blowjobs, copying, serving the needs of others.

The young woman going to work at the bar is also an active part of the sex trade. She was hired so that men would be able to watch her, to fantasize about her and ... depending how drunk they get ... to paw, grab, accost in some subtle or not-so-subtle manner. And truly, I see the same in coffee shops and cafes - I see it wherever women are placed in the path of the male leer in order to 'float their boats' and bring in the bucks. These woman are (sex)slaves to economic need and social pressure to pleasure men - visually if not physically. And, these women (all women?) are being (sexually)assaulted as they are watched, grabbed, fondled, and judged for their (sexual)service for floating boats.

It's a problem.

It's a problem because women do not have the full freedom to be beautiful - to be sexual - to say a wholehearted "YES" to being their gorgeous animal selves.