Remember

Wow - has it really been that long?

On the one hand - I can say that my life is richer and fuller than it has ever been. On the other hand - I can also say that my life is pretty crazy with running from one activity to the next project to the next committment.

I seem to remember saying that this semester I would take on less .. and yet ... I'm working 40 hours/week between two jobs and I'm taking 13 credits of course work. Yes... 3 credit are not official - but there's still plenty of time, energy, and effort invested in it.

Is it worthwhile? Yes. Every single bit of it. Is it overwhelming? Yes. Almost every single day.

The mix is a little complicated by obligations from the summer that have lingered into the semester. I just (almost) finished a website that I took on for an acquaintance (check it out: www.nativeplantsmontana.com).

Yesterday I sat with two of my professors and they asked "What is your thesis? What are you working on?" I didn't know what to answer. I haven't taken the time out to figure it out. And that phrase "take the time out". Wow. Take the time out of what? My life. My busy, running here, running there, always-on-to-the-next-thing life.

I know that I'm fulfilling my obligations to everyone else. I do the coursework, I get my tasks done for the Watershed Commitee (www.bhwc.org - I did that website too!) and for my on-campus job. But, I'm not fulfilling my obligations to myself. Sure ... I still go each evening to the trail to walk - but there's been a less appreication than in the past. My head is full of worries and the occasional woe. Instead of allowing the silence, the winds, the ravens, and the grasses to enter my experiences - I take along my phone and try to fit more into what should be the time for less.

This afternoon, I left campus early. I came home to fix myself a good and simple meal. I took the time to finish the native plant website that's been hanging over my head, and now, I'm taking the time for this. A little self-reflection. A little self-consideration. A reminder of what I love.

Last night, instead of rushing on to my next project - I stopped. I realized that I've just been stuffing myself full of information and not taking the time to integrate it into my knowledge base, or myself. I picked one class and reviewed my notes. I made a committment to ME to do this every day. Stop. Breathe. Reflect. Consider. Integrate. Remember.

Last night, instead of falling asleep to rhetoric, or semiotics, or image politics ... I picked up my new book of Mary Oliver poems - Red Bird. It's been sitting in my apartment for well over a month now - and I had not even opened it. Each page offered me ravens and bears, turtles and ducklings, clouds and wind, rain and flowers. Each page reminded me - yes... stop ... breathe ... reflect ... consider ... integrate ... remember .... who you are.